There it is again. I muttered to myself, frustrated as I washed my arm. Every morning for five or six days in the fall of 2003, I noticed this rust-colored sticky stuff that appeared in both drips and smears on my left forearm and thigh. I had no idea where it could be coming from.

Finally, on Sunday morning I found the answer. My eyes followed my hand as I wiped the steam from the bathroom mirror. Looking past my fingertips, there it was. To my shock and horror, the rust-colored sticky stuff easily dripped from my left nipple.

In disbelief, I collapsed into my bedroom chair, swirling with a mix of grief and fear. I stared at the blank white wall, feeling vacant, distant, disconnected from what I had just seen in the mirror. All I heard was that loud, penetrating silence that surrounds and encompasses every thought and movement.

I called my doctor and was told that this was not an emergency room issue, but did need immediate attention. It could be cancer or another of many health challenges. Then, I began to wonder, what now? What is next?

After an exam, the breast cancer specialist made an appointment for that same afternoon to have both a mammogram and an ultrasound. They took two sets of two x rays on each breast and a third x ray of a specific area of my right breast. I realized I could have two areas of concern, not just the one.

Next, was the ultrasound. I could see the area of my breast where they had done the extra mammogram. There was a dark mass which had a very different pattern than the rest of my breast. After the biopsy, I was diagnosed with infiltrating ductile carcinoma, a rare, aggressive, deadly cancer that can quickly metastasize to the bones and lungs. Next is death. I had symptoms of both bone and lung cancer.

The ultrasound of my left breast showed a trail of little beads. Masses unevenly lined up from my underarm to my nipple. This could not be good, I thought. These masses were rubbing against several ducts, causing bleeding and discharge. That was the rust-colored sticky stuff. My left breast was diagnosed with a rare hyperplastic disease involving multiple ducts. My oncologist felt that I also had cancer in this breast. She was deeply concerned, and wanted to immediately remove the mass in my right breast and cut off 1/3 or more of my left breast. From now on, on medical history forms, I would check the box for cancer.