In October of last year, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and rushed into surgery three days later. Thus began a journey that would change my perceptions of what's important, and the strange realization that life is a fragile miracle not to be taken for granted. It made me more determined to hang on to life, something I saw on a science fiction show called Battlestar Galactica.

President Laura Roslin is a character on the show, who's steely resolve to deal with a larger catastrophe comes partially from her private battle with breast cancer. When faced with the eventuality of her demise, many things she used to be afraid of seem suddenly trivial. It was what allowed this reserved, 43rd in line for the presidency, schoolteacher to step into the role of President of the Colonies with hardly a shiver after they are attacked by merciless machine creatures and their homeworlds are destroyed.

The story revolves around taking control of your life, on both a personal and larger level and it came along during a period when I felt completely out of control. This science fiction epic has seen me through to the cancer survivor I am today. It's so very much about taking control, but also taking time for yourself, taking care of yourself and the consequences of ignoring your body and spirit in pursuit of success, money and power. Roslin, prior to be diagnosed, was a workaholic. Her transformation is startling, as is anyone's who realizes they are mortal and their time on this plain is finite.

How The Idea of Breast Cancer, Science Fiction & Battlestar Galactica combined into a website, writing, blogging and a really fun hobby…
Breast cancer and Battlestar Galactica caught me totally off-guard and sealed my allegiance to this complex science fiction television show. The fact that the President of the Colonies had cancer on a SciFi show was an odd combination to propose, but Ron Moore put it out there and thus into our reality. President Laura Roslin is diagnosed early on in the series with the deadly disease, and told that her options are few and her chances slim to none. In the midst of this personal tragedy, she is thrust into an immediate fight for her life and has to assume the mantel of presidency while keeping secret her other silent enemy. Publicly, she works with Commander Adama for the betterment of humanity as they flee Caprica; privately, she battles the betrayal of her body as the cancer spreads. She has to be devastated, but like many of us, she rises to the immediate challenge – getting the remains of civilization to safety - fighting privately with her fears and demons.

Three operations and too many frakkin cancer treatments later, I have emerged a breast cancer survivor and a woman acutely aware of how little time God gives us. The oncologist shook my hand a couple weeks ago, bid me good luck and told me to make an appointment for 30 days out, three months out and so forth. She handed me a prescription for hormonal therapy pills, a number to call if I got upset and a business card if I had any questions. I was burned, in pain, peeling, wearing a wig, and recovering. Life was supposed to continue on as usual, right? I felt like I'd been beat up by a bunch of Cylons. I wasn't the same person who went to the doctor in October, so that was impossible? I think this is the same with anybody who's survived a life-threatening illness.

What you do with that change is what makes the difference in your world. Roslin has taken on leading the people to Earth as her personal quest while stealing a few moments of private time and holding the political structure together. We see bits and pieces of that with the President, in between fighting with Adama and fending off Tom Zarek - she reads, practices some form of candle therapy and seeks counsel from a spiritual person. She is also being ravaged by the medications and pain killers; and, we are left to wonder if she's chosen the right path. She didn't want to die like her mother; will she die anyway?

As a survivor, it's a question I ask myself often. I've taken all of the advice, made a choice, survived a course of treatment. Was it enough? Will it come back and kill me in six months, a year, two years? Unlike Roslin, I caught mine earlier on. Like Roslin, I have no choice but to live my life to the fullest with whatever time I have left. Thank God, I'm not Roslin, because she has to spend the bulk of her time running from the Cylons. I just need to please my boss for eight hours and drive home. Somehow, amidst all that chaos, she manages to snatch a couple minutes for herself. And, that's what' it's all about. She borrowed one of Cmdr. Adama's books, so we can presume she spent a bit of time reading it. That's time for herself, and that's so extraordinarily important.

Breast Cancer and Science Fiction - Whole Again! If you've been where I've been, and maybe you're still there, take heart and take flight. Let them do what they must to save your life, but don't let them steal your joy. As they work on your body, take your mind to the next level, an alternative universe, a parallel dimension, to a battlestar or starship and beyond. That's what science fiction and fantasy will do, take a person out of the doldrums and allow them to soar on the wings of imagination.

When things get rough, focus instead on your love of science fiction or whatever is your passion. Like sitting in a hot tub, it will relax you enough so that when your attention returns to the problem, it's more manageable. While I was sick, it became breast cancer versus science fiction. I have always loved Star Trek: TOS, TNG, DS9, Voyager & Enterprise, and I rapidly got hooked on the new SciFi channel offering, Stargate Atlantis, and because they addressed something I was in the midst of fighting - breast cancer - was fascinated by Battlestar Galactica.

I lived for Friday night; they weren't going to treat me again for two days, and Stargate and Stargate Atlantis were coming on. Then, in January 2005, the much-hyped Battlestar Galactica series joined my mix. What would happen to the President? She was dealing with it and functioning. She was still alive and so was I. When I was too sick to move, I'd watch these shows and remember what I used to adore. - writing fan fiction, reading and watching science fiction and fantasy on television and in the movies and dreaming about distant galaxies. It's been that way since I was five. And, I realized that I had put that on the "back burner" for years as I worked and lived, that is, until I was invited into hell through cancer.

I pondered what could I do that really meant something to me. There was nothing I could do about what the treatments except think about something else. -- something fun, different - something I had a passion for that would replace the misery. Without passion for a subject, any subject, life quickly becomes an endless march towards death. And, I definitely didn't want that. I had become a work-a-holic. I suspect that Laura Roslin was one as well. I have no idea how that happened, but with that knowledge, I had the power to change it. If you see yourself in this boat, you have the power to get out before it sinks with you in it.

My new philosophy is, "Do what you need to do to sustain your existence, then live to do what you enjoy to live your life."

Take the clarity I'd gained with breast cancer, combine it with my love of science fiction, and - presto, magic - step into a lifestyle that includes time for oneself, loads of laughter and a boatload of merriment. Unfortunately, our stalwart Battlestar president doesn't have this luxury. She can only snatch a few minutes here and there, but she does that. If, in the middle of a run for her existence, the President in Galactica can take a few moments for herself, what's our problem?

Science fiction fans with cancer - take heart!
I know there are many science fiction fans out there who are cancer survivors. They say you are a survivor from the moment of diagnosis. There are 10 million cancer survivors today, so you're not alone. Even if only one other fan reads this and enjoys my website, blog or piece of fan fiction, I will have accomplished my goal. To make you laugh; make you think; encourage you to do something that's not about making money and business, something you would work at even if you're never got paid a cent for doing it, something to take you mind off whatever ails ya!

As we recognize Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I could not help but think of women whose skin changed during radiation and chemotherapy and they are not sure what to do…the good news skin problems are usually short term and easy to fix. Something proactive for you to do, something to help you feel better.

During this time of change, you need to take special care of your skin. First - ask your doctor regarding the products, lotions, soaps, deodorants, sunscreen, cream, or perfume around the treatment area you can use. If the areas are itchy or irritated, a light sprinkling of cornstarch help, but filmy skin products may hamper your treatment.

To wash your face or treatment area, a mild soap like Dove may be used. Wash using only warm water and use your hands, this is gentler. Gently pat dry with a soft cotton towel. You should not scrub, scratch or shave treated skin. Soak a soft, fluffy cotton ball with non-alcohol toner and gently go over your face. Are you noticing a trend? Everything is done gently to cause little irritation.

Ask your doctor what UVA/UVB sunscreen to buy. Sunscreen with an SPF 15 is a good general number. After applying, wait a few minutes until the sunscreen is totally absorbed (which many of us do not do, including me!) before applying any moisturizer. Use very small amounts of moisturizer dot on face and gently pat.

Oily skin may become dry or flaky during your chemotherapy, consider using moisturizer several times daily to lessen the impact, please check with your doctor first.

This is important; wash your hands before applying anything to the treatment area. We all know nasty bacteria are on our hands and you do not want to transfer that to your skin. It may cause an infection. Tightly close the tops of your jars so airborne bacteria and germs remain out of your skin care.

One of the most common cancers among Black women, as you may know, is Breast Cancer. And that, my friends, is only surpassed by the number one culprit Lung Cancer. More than 217, 000 people will be affected by Breast Cancer this year. Now tell me that this fact isn’t a good reason for us to feel some fear. Every 2 minutes, my friends, a woman is diagnosed with Breast Cancer. And every 13 minutes because of Breast Cancer, one woman’s life is over. Imagine, 20, 000 newly diagnosed cases are expected to occur among Black Women. Of that, 57 hundred Black Women, because of Breast Cancer, will leave this earth my friend. Black Women 5 year survival rate is 74%. Compared to White Women whose survival rate is 88%. Scientists still don’t know why Breast Cancer affects Black Women differently to White Women. There’s a higher incidence of Breast Cancer in Black Women as compared to White Women. Black Women are more likely to be diagnosed with much larger tumors. And they are also more likely to be diagnosed with more advanced stages of Breast Cancer. Among women under 45 Black Women have a higher incidence of this disease. And this is compared to the incidences among women, if you please. The risk of Breast Cancer for all women surely increases with age. But yearly mammograms and monthly self- exams help to discover it at an early stage. Women between the age of 20-30 should have a mammogram every 3 years. Be familiar with your breasts so you’ll notice any changes occuring there. Report any changes that you find to your doctor without delay. The best method of protection is early detection, that’s what I always say. Mammograms are avalable; they are free for everyone. But if you have no insurance you can still get yourself a free one. Ladies remind your husbands and boyfriends to check their breasts when you do; They should report any changes they see in their breasts because men can get Breast Cancer too.

I have been busy promoting my book- Smiling Thru the Tears- A Breast Cancer Survivor Odyssey, doing radio interviews, television appearances and booked solid with Motivational Speaking engagements. I publish an enewletter- Metamorphosis, for Breast Cancer survivors and I stay busy. It is my way of staving off the demon and I thrive on the challenge of staying busy. Every new pain or change could become a potential point of worry and that is no way to live and I have no time for worry. I rise every morning cognizant that I overcame breast cancer...I am a survivor. I live with chemo related vertigo and neuropathy but I try not to let it define who I am. I know I have a new reality; the things I once took for granted have now become a challenge. I can't turn my head suddenly or lay flat on my back, but I can breath, I can laugh and I can rejoice and thank God for His New Year gift to me- my blessing. I had a biopsy on my left breast and on January 5th, 2005 after a second breast cancer scare, I was told that my biopsy came back negative. Yes folk

Husbands: 10 Ways to be there when your wife has breast cancer

Breast cancer is a life and relationship threatening trauma. Peter J. Flierl, M.S.W., offers insights and common sense for husbands of patients with breast cancer

When we marry the man or woman of our dreams, our soul mate and best friend, we expect to be together for a lifetime despite the odds against it with 6 of 10 marriages today ending in divorce. We truly believe that we will be together “for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, ‘til death us do part.” And then life intrudes: becoming a couple, learning to balance needs, the joy and awesome responsibility of becoming and being parents, managing careers and handling money.

If a marriage is sound, it can weather any storm, survive virtually any trauma. If the relationship is not on solid ground, a trauma, almost any trauma or stress, can lead to its demise. That may account for the fact that nearly seven in ten marriages touched by breast cancer do not survive.

There is no magic bullet, no panacea or formula, for surviving and indeed thriving despite of or in part due to facing breast cancer diagnosis and treatment, and subsequent life together.

God it is said gives us challenges to build character, so you as a husband and the two of you as a couple have a great opportunity to build character, to create a lifetime love story. My bride of 28 years, Shirley, is a 22-year survivor of breast cancer. However, that does not define her. She is also a mother, a businesswoman, an educator, a lover, a community volunteer, and my lifetime partner. She was treated at age 37 for an aggressive, Stage 3 tumor that had extensive lymph node involvement. She is alive and well, still sexy with just one breast, and is an inspiration to other women facing this disease, particularly young women.

Following are suggestions to other husbands on how to be there for your wife, how to help her become and remain a survivor.

1. Tell her you love her.

In a marriage or any intimate relationship, silence is not golden. The strong silent type need not apply for the position of husband, lover, best friend, confidante and supporter of a woman with breast cancer. Your bride, your wife, needs and wants to hear from you. Actions may speak louder than words, and you may take all the right actions, but speaking words brings comfort, reassurance and knowledge of your inner feelings. She cannot read your mind. Being there for her is more than physical or economic security. Words have meaning. And the three most important words in the English language at this time, at this moment, when together you are facing her mortality, are: “I love you.”

The late Louise Crisafi, a saint here on Earth who always gave of herself for others in need, taught me this lesson on the Friday my wife, Shirley Ann, had her biopsy and was diagnosed. Shirley had opted for a two-step process for diagnosis one day and treatment, i.e., surgical removal of her right breast, a mastectomy, on a second day. This meant we knew on Friday she would have a mastectomy on Monday, a weekend together, scared, anxious, frightened. Shirley was confronting her death and the imminent loss of a part of her womanhood. I was clueless, at a loss, overwhelmed and scared. I didn’t know what to do, how to act or what to say.

Louise was an American Cancer Society Reach to Recovery volunteer devoted to helping other women face breast cancer diagnosis and treatment. She was a good friend. When I asked her what to do feeling as helpless and overwhelmed as I was, she said simply: “Tell her you love her.” I was off to the races. I spent that weekend saying those three magic, powerful words over and over, as frequently as possible, perhaps more than I had done in weeks, months or years previously.

A year or so later on a television talk show featuring three women who had had breast cancer, Shirley reminisced about how verbal I had become that fateful weekend. Those words brought comfort and made a difference. Remember to say: “I love you.” It works. And I hope I am as verbal and loving today as I was in the midst of crisis.

2. Say “Yes”

We all know the joke about Moses and the tribes of Israel wandering for 40 years in the desert after their miraculous escape from bondage in Egypt. It took 40 long years to reach the land of milk and honey, the Promised Land. And why, why did it take so long? Moses was a man. He refused to ask for directions. Ten Commandments, maybe; asking for help, never. If you’re married or have dated a man for any length of time, you’ve spent time in a car lost. You suggest, perhaps timidly and quietly, that it might be a good idea to stop and ask for directions. He is offended. He, after all, is a man. He has a good, no, a great sense of direction. That will become apparent to you, a mere woman with no sense of direction, momentarily. The moments tick by. He is becoming exasperated and hitting the gas. Finally, in disgust, he pulls into a gas station and asks for help. It pains him to do so.

Louise added another lesson when I was asking what to do knowing that Shirley and I were facing her cancer together, a cancer that we seemed to have faint hope of beat-ing. Her advice was powerful and insightful. When someone, anyone, asks if they can do anything to help, just say “Yes.” Friends, family, neighbors, colleagues and others want to be there for you and for themselves.

I know, I know. You’re a man and never ask for help, not even simple directions. Understand that the people asking to help need your “Yes” as much as you. It gives them some sense of being able to do something positive about this insidious disease that seems beyond their control.

Shirley and I were blessed. We did not have to cook a meal for 3-4 months following her surgery thanks to the chicken dishes, casseroles, lasagnas and other assorted goodies constantly flowing through our front door. Needing a brief childcare stint for our daughter, Alison, it was there. Thank you, Greenwich. Thank you in particular First Congregational Church in Old Greenwich. Thank you special friends, particularly Betsy, who taught me I could get through anything, even this. You are a compassionate community. You are a healing church. You are true friends. Your love, prayers and support made a difference for all three of us in our recovery.

Ask for help. Say “yes” when it’s offered. You’ll be better for it.

3. Humor Heals

Norman Cousins taught the country this lesson many years ago and we are often reminded of this truth by Loretta Laroche and others. We know that the act of laughing is itself healing. It makes us feel better and helps us get better. It is very easy to take ourselves and our careers much too seriously.

Close friends have experienced our occasional over-the-top, out of control laughing, true guffaws. Can anything feel better? You cannot laugh while feeling sorry for yourself. Seeing the humor in any situation brings relief and release. Did you hear about the drunk who got a “speeding” ticket after passing out at the wheel of his car? Tragedy, yes. Being able to laugh at the incident in hindsight brings understanding and relief.

Our favorite apocryphal joke is about hitting a pig, reporting the accident anonymously and getting a ticket in the mail for $500. And how did they find us, you ask, “the pig squealed.”

Shirley set the stage for our approach to her treatment for breast cancer, which included humor and lots of it. Shirley had met Linda McWhorter, her surgeon’s wife, about two weeks before her diagnosis and surgery. On the way in to the operating room for her mastectomy, lying on a gurney in a local community hospital, she looked up and said: “Hey, Phil, you ought to charge me half price. I’m pretty small.” Courage, strength, fortitude.

A year later, Shirley told the hospital’s President & CEO that she was being over charged for her mammogram, that she should get a 50% discount. After all, with one remaining breast, they only had to take a single x-ray image, not two. What’s fair is fair. She left him speechless. It just made sense to me.

And there was her relationship with her oncologist, Dick Hollister, and his incredible staff. Do you realize that over 95% of cancer treatment takes place in physicians’ private office, not in hospitals. If you choose to practice in oncology, you know from the get go that at least 50% of your patients will die. Yet Dick and his staff always provided hope, comfort, and, best of all, laughter and humor.

Dick had made the choice to become a doctor and treat patients with cancer at age 13 according to his mother, at age 11 according to him. He was the perfect match for Shirley, who turned him bright red (fairly easy given his red-head’s freckled complexion), when she whipped out her temporary breast prosthesis during his first visit to her hospital room. He was speechless. He knew he had a live one, despite the poor prognosis. Shirley was an interesting and challenging case for a new oncologist in his first few years of practice. Jokes were a staple in his office during the course of our year of treatment.

Humor is healing to body, mind, and spirit.

4. I love you, not your breasts

Despite our nation’s growing obesity, we are a breast and body image fixated society, from Betty Grable pinups in World War II, Marilyn Monroe and Jane Mansfield in the 1950’s and 1960’s to Salma Hayek, Paris Hilton and Pamela Anderson today. Men talk about being “leg men” or “breast men” with bravado and sophomoric stupidity, as if large breasts or great legs have anything to do with being a woman, a lifetime companion, and a long-term, intimate lover.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love to look at and admire beautiful women from the gorgeous 76-year-old former model taking my smoking cessation class in 1982 to the stars on screen and women around me today. However, it is my bride, my lover, and my lifetime partner who is my sexual and sensual interest today. Your bride, your lover, your wife needs to know that you love who she is, not what type of body she has or the size of her breasts.

Shirley is as beautiful and sexy today as she was on our first date, if not more so. Our love making then and today was not and is not hampered by her having one breast instead of two. Rather, it enriches our intimacy. When we make love, she completes me, makes me whole and alive. God created a matching set that fits together nicely. Your bride needs reassurance in the face of an assault on her femininity and sense of womanhood. She needs to know by what you say and what you do that this set of circumstances is not the end of your sex life, but rather a new, sometimes frightening, and exciting sex life with heightened sensitivity and caring.

5. Go to her appointments

Go to the multitude of appointments with your wife, your partner, as much as you can, holding her hand literally and figuratively. I had the luxury and blessing of relative independence in my job as the CEO of a community health and wellness center. I built my professional and community calendar around Shirley’s treatment schedule. I went with Shirley to virtually every physician visit, every chemotherapy appointment. I felt a bit guilty about sitting in the waiting room, not going into the exam room with her for the actual treatments. Perhaps a bit of a wimp or squeamish, but I was with her in mind, body and spirit every step of the way. If it were possible, I would have taken it for her, and traded places with her.

It is not what you do when you accompany her to treatment, but rather the act itself that speaks volumes to her. It also gives you some sense of empowerment. You are more than a helpless spectator cursing the damned disease. You have joined the battle. You are helping wrest control from the cancer along with your wife, your family and friends, your treatment team and all of the support system around you.

There is also a practical side. Hearing a diagnosis of cancer overwhelms the senses. Doctors try to help you understand, but their daily jargon, the language of medicine, might as well be classical Greek or Latin. With two of you there, there are two sets of ears to hear what is said. There are two mouths to ask questions. This helps avoid the tendency to hear what you want to hear. Being with her each time will reassure her, help her overcome, and make you feel good about yourself. She’ll love you for it.

6. She is not an invalid

Your wife or partner is not fragile. She won’t break. Treatment can be grueling and tiring, but you both need to live your life as fully as possible. Continue to enjoy what you enjoy individually and as a couple, particularly the latter. One of our best friends and an inspiration for many jogged to her chemotherapy appointments when battling a recurrence of breast cancer. It is called zest for living, being in the now. Let your bride do anything she is up to trying. In Shirley’s case over the course of her year of treatment, that included walks at Greenwich Point, skiing, putting up with some golf with me, puttering with flowers, and even on occasion agreeing to go sailing with me. You need to take your cues from her. She knows what she can do, or how tired she may be feeling, whether it’s a good day or not. When she’s ready, encourage and support her without pushing her. Get out when she’s ready.

As I reflect, it was important for Shirley and I to live life fully as a couple and as a family with Alison. We knew our time together here might be very short and we wanted to live our life together fully. We did not anticipate the length of life we’ve been blessed with together. Shirley is a miracle and so is your wife or partner, no matter what the ultimate outcome.

7. Sex After Breast Cancer

This is another place where a man needs to let his partner lead. She will let you know what works now and what doesn’t, what she’s ready for, and what she’s not. I suppose I mourned the loss of her breast as she did, as well as the change in some aspects of love-making that result. The important thing to learn is that life goes on and sex goes on. In the first weeks, months and even years, your sex life may take on an added dimension that is simultaneously painful and exquisite. Imagine how it feels to make love to someone you feel you might lose. You don’t want to hurt her. Remember, she is not fragile. You can giver her bear hugs both during and outside your lovemaking.

Shirley found a new gynecologist as she went through treatment, Ed Jacobson, a warm man, the kind of physician whose presence and demeanor is comforting and reassuring by nature. He enriched our lives, specifically our sex lives, by suggesting we try jellies and creams to make intercourse easier and more comfortable. When your part-ner experiences menopause, whether naturally as she ages, or, as in Shirley’s case, early menopause brought on at age 37 by chemotherapy and hormone therapy, there are issues to be addressed. This includes hot flashes, vaginal dryness, pain during intercourse, lack of lubrication, lowered libido. In explaining the use of jellies and creams to Shirley during an office visit, Ed described it as “the stuff used by the prostitutes in Stamford.” Sounded like good advice to her and to me. And, by the way, it does work.

There is sex after mastectomy, wonderful, beautiful, glorious sex. And, in the beginning, it can be simultaneously exquisite and painful. There is nothing that can quite prepare a man for making love, and having intercourse, with the love of his life who he fears losing. The threat hung over our heads and was part of our thoughts for days, months and years. Shirley would be embarrassed were I to say any more about our sex life. It is intimate and remains a joy.

I have spoken on this subject to women’s groups and social workers. Most rewarding was being part of a panel in Stamford, Connecticut with a professional sex therapist speaking ahead of me. I listened attentively and was pleased to find that Shirley and I had figured out on our own what she described in theory. She was a theoretician explaining the principles underlying sexuality and the impact of breast surgery and cancer treatment. Shirley and I had lived it and muddled through on our own just fine, thank you.

8. She is your trophy wife

You need to understand that your bride, your wife, the woman you promised to cherish, the love of your life and your best friend is also the answer to your caricature male mid-life crisis. The answer is not a young intern wearing a thong who’s young enough to be your daughter. It is not a young bimbo or young colleague with whom to start your next marriage, or your next family. It is not a sports car, a speedboat or a new set of golf clubs. It is your wife.

I encountered this attitude and understanding observing the marriage of friends Joe and Shirley, two “adolescents in love” after more than 40 years of marriage. Rather than have a midlife crisis alternative relationship, whether sexual or emotional, how about a fling with your wife. Take her away for a comfy weekend at a romantic bed and breakfast. In our case, it can be some quiet time together in the Berkshires, preferably paddling a canoe. Or take in a Broadway show, or a good movie and an after show dessert. Fall in love. Stay in love. Be in love.

9. Lemonade from lemons

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. See the silver lining. You are not a Pollyanna to find something exquisite, profound and meaningful in facing cancer, facing death and facing loss. Can you imagine yourself in the shoes or the psyche of a person with cancer? Or as the husband, lover and lifetime partner of a woman with breast cancer? Can you understand deep in your soul what intimacy is like, sexual and otherwise, when all your senses are stretched and heightened by the knowledge you’re making love to a woman you could lose?

You find joy to the point of pain. You discover a profound sense of being one with each other, and yet there is awareness that it could be fleeting and transitory. Reality may break in and shatter the moment, but you persevere. I have often said in the years since “our” treatment for Shirley’s breast cancer that a good marriage, or a solid relationship, will not only get through the trauma of breast cancer, the marriage will be strengthened and be the better for it. Go figure.

10. She is not damaged goods

A man attending a prostate cancer support group expressed concern about being “damaged goods” following prostate cancer treatment. Your bride is not damaged goods with or without breast reconstruction. She remains the woman you fell in love with, the woman you committed to for a lifetime together. Get beyond the inner thoughts never expressed, wondering whether your lovemaking was altered forever. You, too, may miss her breast, as it has brought you both pleasure in the past. Whether or not to have breast reconstruction is a personal choice, her choice. Shirley chose not to do so, in part I believe to avoid furthering tampering with and “awakening” of any missed cancer cells.

Now is the time to live your life to its fullest together. Cleave to her. Hold her. Love her. Smell her. Taste her. Smile with her. Laugh with her. Cry with her. Get angry with her. Yes, you still have “negative” feelings and emotions. You are still human beings in the ebb and flow of a love relationship that is more intense than most of those around you. You’ll both survive and thrive if you stay together.

The figures concerning breast cancer are alarming. One woman in every nine will get breast cancer at some point in her life. There are more than 212,000 cases of breast cancer diagnosed in the USA each year. In Canada the figure is about 20,500, Australia 13,000 and in UK the figure is over 41,000. It doesn’t matter if you are a mature women or a young girl in your teens. It is important for all females to know the symptoms of this dreaded disease.

Who is at risk?

Breast cancer is overwhelmingly a female disease, but rarely a few men are also affected. It becomes more common in women as age increases. Over 80% of the cases occur in women over the age of 50. Other risk factors include:

-taking an oral contraceptive pill
-having hormone replacement therapy
-obesity and/or high fat diets
-one or more relatives who have had breast cancer
-alcohol use

Early detection is very important

Currently, six out of every seven patients diagnosed with breast cancer are cured at an early stage. However, if they are diagnosed when the cancer has become advanced, the cure rate falls to about one in seven. It is extremely important to catch breast cancer at an early stage. Knowing the symptoms is crucial.

Common symptoms of breast cancer

Usually, early breast cancer does not cause pain. As a matter of fact, when breast cancer first develops, there may be no symptoms at all. As the cancer grows and spreads, it can cause changes that women should watch for.

Here are few symptoms one should be aware of:

-Itching in the armpit or around the breast region.
-Pink, red, or dark colored area (called erythematic) with texture similar to the skin of an orange (called peau d'orange).
-Ridges and thickened areas of the skin of nipple or breast.
-Appearance of a bruise that does not go away.
-Nipple getting inverted.
-Breast is warm to the touch.
-Pain in the breast (from a constant ache to stabbing pains).
-Change in texture as well as color of the aureole.
-Change in the shape or size of a breast.
-Dimpling of the breast skin.
-Swelling or a lump in the armpit.
-A discharge from the nipple.

Women should continue to wear bras if they want to because there is no evidence whatever to associate bras with breast cancer. This theory was developed by Syd Singer and Soma Grismaijer who wrote a book called Dressed to Kill, claiming that bras constrict breast tissue and block lymph drainage, causing chemical toxins to remain in the breast. The Singers say that "because lymphatic vessels are very thin, they are extremely sensitive to pressure and are easily compressed." Their press release claims: "Soma and Syd were struck by the low incidence of breast cancer in poorer nations awash in pesticides dumped by northern nations." So their theory claims that bras constrict breasts, close blood vessels and lymphatics, and keep pesticides in breasts for along time, so the pesticides can then cause cancer.

They report that three out of four women who wear their daytime bras to sleep contract breast cancer. They claim that 80 percent of bra-wearers who experience lumps, cysts and tenderness will see those symptoms vanish, "within a month of getting rid of the bra." However, there is no data in the scientific literature to show that women with larger breasts are more likely to suffer breast cancer; that wearing bras is associated with breast cancer; that constricting breasts causes pesticides to accumulate in breasts; or that avoiding bras gets rid of cysts or lumps in the breast.

The authors have not published their findings in medical journals, and I could not find any academic appointments at an accredited university for either of them. Their web site asks for contributions to support their research that they conduct from a 67-acre farm in Hawaii.

Many times, hormone therapy is used for symptom relief. In this case, hormone therapy is used to reduce hot flashes, vaginal dryness, insomnia and night sweats. These are the usual symptoms many women experience during their perimenopausal years. In natural menopause, these symptoms are usually transient, lasting about 3 to 5 years. After that, the body readjusts itself and you are fine. Short-term use of hormones, approximately 3 to 5 years for women who do not have breast cancer or blood clotting disorders is probably safe. At the end of the period, they should taper off the hormones over 6 to 9 months in order to ensure that the abrupt change doesn't bring back the symptoms. In women who have had breast cancer it is better to explore alternative methods to decrease perimenopausal symptoms.

In the case of disease prevention, hormones are taken with or without experiencing symptoms indefinitely. Seemingly this is done to prevent diseases of old age - heart disease and osteoporosis.

So what then is the importance of hormone therapy in relation to breast cancer? The first thing to consider is the quality of the evidence linking breast cancer with estrogen. From an epidemiological, biological standpoint, there is fairly good evidence. Women who have their ovaries removed at an early age rarely get breast cancer. It seems that the younger a woman was at her first period and the older she is at menopause; the more likely she is to get the disease. Simply put, the more years she is exposed to cycling estrogen, the higher her risk. These are biological implications.

Women who have osteoporosis have a 60% lower risk of getting breast cancer. If you have inherently low levels of estrogen, you tend to have bad bones and good breasts. On the other hand, if you have inherently high levels of estrogen, you tend to have good bones and bad breasts. Obesity in postmenopausal women, which is linked to higher levels of estrogen, creates a higher risk of breast cancer.

There is another reason that the connection between hormone therapy and breast cancer is biologically plausible. If you plot the rate of breast cancer with age, starting at age 20, a straight line will be obvious. The rate of breast cancer remains the same - until menopause. After menopause, the rate is less.

Conversely though, there is a reason why it is difficult to establish with certainty the connection between hormone therapy and breast cancer and that is that it may affect some women more than others. One of the things current research may help do is distinguish between the women for whom hormone therapy is dangerous and those for whom it's not.

There is a recent, rather frightening, study showing that women who take both birth control pills and hormone therapy have a higher risk of getting breast cancer. The baby boomers were the first group to do this; they were the young women on birth control pills and now are the middle-aged women taking hormones. According to this study's findings, short-term use of either one doesn't seem to make a difference. But women who were on oral contraceptives for more than 10 years and then took hormone therapy for 3 or more years, had a relative risk of 3:2 - more than triple the risk of women who never used either. Although this is quite a small study, with only 25 women participating, it is still something to keep in mind. It points out one of the ways in which baby boomers are different from past generations. If we base our estimates of risk on our mothers' experiences, it may not be realistic, because they were not taking these hormones throughout their lives.

In the past few years, a number of women have turned to green vegetables in an effort to attempt to lower their risk of breast cancer. With the disease affecting as many as one in eight American women, it is only natural that women look to natural remedies in an attempt to improve their odds in the fight against this all-too-prevalent kind of cancer.

Increasingly, though, researchers are looking to another green food in an effort to cut breast cancer risk—green tea. While black tea and chamomile tea have long been thought to soothe nerves and combat depression, it is green tea which is making headlines in the world of cancer research.

A number of animal and laboratory studies have shown that green tea can be highly effective in fighting tumors in the mammary tissues. But only recently has the scientific community been able to address the effect of green tea on breast cancer in human beings.

A Case in Point

One significant study indicated that green tea extract prevents breast cancer cells from producing a chemical that leads to tumors. University of Southern California researcher Anna H. Wu and her team noted the dietary and lifestyle choices of more than 500 women with breast cancer and nearly 600 women without cancer in Los Angeles.

The women were of Asian descent and ranged in age from 25 to 74. The researchers found that the healthy women were far more likely to consume green tea. And those breast cancer patients who did drink green tea were likely to consume less of it than the healthy women were. In fact, drinking less than six tablespoons of green tea a day appeared to cut a woman’s risk for breast cancer by as much as 30 percent.

Unfortunately, women who consume a great deal of black tea do not appear to be protected from the onset of breast cancer. Since black tea is more popular in Western nations than green tea, such news can be disappointing. But the fact that green tea’s popularity is gaining strength in the West means that Western women could enjoy the same breast cancer protection that green tea drinkers in the Far East have enjoyed for years.

Green Tea and Breast Cancer Recurrence

But what about women who have already experienced breast cancer? Is it possible for them to reduce their chances of a recurrence by downing cups of green tea?

As you might expect, scientific researchers have been asking the same questions. For instance, a Japanese research team addressed those issues in their article, “Regular Consumption of Green Tea and the Risk of Breast Cancer Recurrence: Follow-up Study from the Hospital-based Epidemiologic Research Program at Aichi Cancer Center (HERPACC), Japan.”

As the Asian researchers noted, various studies indicate that green tea can inhibit the development and growth of tumors. Given that fact, they thought it helpful to examine the link between regular green tea consumption and the risk of a recurrence of breast cancer.

The researchers studied 1160 new surgical cases of female breast cancers between June of 1990 and August of 1998. About 12 percent, or 133 of the subjects, appeared to experience a cancer recurrence. But those women who consumed three or more cups of green tea each day were less likely to see their breast cancer make a comeback.

The reduced rate of recurrence was most likely among those women with stage 1 and stage 2 breast cancer. However, the link was not apparent for those women with more advanced stages of the cancer.

Cautiously Optimistic

The researchers cautioned that these results need to be interpreted carefully. However, they do suggest that breast cancer patients who drink green tea daily may be able to prevent their cancer from returning—especially if their cancer was diagnosed in the early stages. Therefore, the research team has reason to be cautiously optimistic about the cancer-fighting capabilities of green tea.

A Closer Look at Green Tea

In order to fully understand the potential of green tea as a cancer prevention method, it is first necessary to examine the composition of the beverage. There are a number of compounds that make up green tea, including polyphenols and flavonoids, caffeine, carbohydrates, tannins, fluoride, and aluminum.

As far as cancer prevention is concerned, the most critical substance is the polyphenols—chemicals which act as antioxidants. These substances block cell replication enzymes and therefore prevent the growth of cancer in the process.

In a number of studies, researchers gave rats with breast tumors green tea to consume. These rats were then compared with rats which drank water alone. Interestingly enough, the rats which had been drinking green tea saw their tumor size reduced considerably. In addition, the studies indicated that new tumors were less likely to develop in rats which drank green tea.

How Much is Enough?

Still, you might be wondering how much green tea you would need to consume in order to significantly reduce your risk of developing breast cancer. Generally, doctors say that you need to consume at least three to four cups of green tea each day—without additives such as milk or sugar—in order to see an impact.

Does decaffeinated green tea offer the same health benefits? Actually, that depends upon the manner in which the caffeine has been removed from the tea. If a solvent has been used to decaffeinate the tea, it will contain reduced levels of EGCG, lessening its effectiveness as a cancer prevention tool. You might also consider taking your green tea in capsule form, although there is little hard evidence to indicate that the capsules are as effective as the beverage in cutting cancer risk.

A Final Note

A woman who has experienced breast cancer has no guarantees that her cancer will never reappear. Even if she begins drinking green tea, she might still undergo a recurrence. However, the available evidence suggests that her risk of facing a second bout of breast cancer decreases significantly when she becomes a green tea drinker.

My friend has breast cancer. She just turned 50. This year she also lost her job, saw her eighty-something father through getting a pace-maker and broke her foot. All these events took place in a mere 4 month span. Talk about stress!

At this particular moment the news is "good". The internist actually told her "if you had to get breast cancer, this is the best one to get"! I'm no expert, by any means, but that sounded like an oxymoron to me. There's a "good" type?

The radiologist tried to calm my friend's fears as much as possible-explaining that she was fortunate enough that it was caught in an extremely early stage. According to the mammogram, the sonogram and the biopsy, that it's very tiny and localized. Both of these first two doctors said that since these were all signs of an excellent prognosis they felt that a lumpectomy would be all she would need. Of course, this was also followed by "unless the surgeon feels differently and thinks some radiation might be warranted".

When she e-mailed me with the news, I felt a wave of nausea myself. After all, I'm but a mere year younger so I felt her terror and the terror of wondering who could/would be next to announce this type of news. Being a writer my way of coping was to start researching the web for types, treatments, groups and outcomes for an article.

Many of the websites talked about the varied types, stages and treatments. Too numerous to become an expert on for the most part. Since my friend is still in the "numb" stage, as she puts it, she hasn't told me which type she has contracted. But when she does, I will go to some of the more user-friendly sites (I liked Susan G. Komen and The City of Hope) and start my detail searching there.

As the patient that's also the line of attack my co-hort has decided on. She wants to know the what-ifs, what-abouts and what are the closest support groups around her. As a single woman she fortunately has built up a very strong base of other single women to have nearby. Which is as necessary as it wonderful. However, she will probably also benefit from attending meetings of others who are "in the same boat".

I say this mainly from my own experience with a very different disease. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis. I have been very fortunate to have a very supportive family base. My husband gives me my weekly injections. My grown children are more than willing to pitch in to help with a meal and laundry. I've learned to not be quite so controlling and let some of what I have always considered to be "my job" get farmed out to others who are more able-bodied. But what really helps are my two support friends. We've never actually met face to face, but we've known each other for over six years now and it's our cyber-connection that has seen us through some times that our families quite simply cannot understand! We met via a now defunct Rheumatoid Arthritis website

We are all 49. One married, no children. One single. And me. We share many things, all of which help us get through the bad days and make the good ones seem all the brighter. I cheered one lady on when she decided to take her hobby of painting and go professional. One cheered me on when I decided to rejuvenate my writing career after a 26 year hiatus. I was in the rooting sections when one went back to college to earn her degree. Both were online telling me that starting my ENBREL injections would put me back into a more "normal" routine and told me stories about their positive reactions and remissions due to the taking of stronger medications.

So while I am still going to have to work on becoming more knowledgeable on my friend's disease, I know one of the best things I can provide her with is a list of breast cancer support groups that she can contact and get involved with right away. Even if they will be an anonymous support group, they will give her invaluable comfort, and information that she would probably not receive from the medical community.

I am also hoping that when the new year begins, she finds a sense of strength and renewal that will be a positive outcome.

The information below is taken from the FDA newsletter that I receive:

"FDA is aware of concerns that antiperspirant use -- in conjunction with underarm shaving -- may be associated with increased risk of developing breast cancer. FDA continues to search scientific literature for studies examining this possible adverse drug effect. Unfortunately, there are many publications that discuss the issue but very few studies in which data have been collected and analyzed. Overall, the studies that contain data are inconclusive in determining whether antiperspirants, in any way, contribute to the development of breast cancer. FDA hopes that definitive studies exploring breast cancer incidence and antiperspirant use will be conducted in the near future."

The issue is the aluminimum found in antiperspirants. Given this fact, numerous companies in the beauty industry are shifting away from adding aluminum and other potentially harmful ingredients to their products.

Why wait for solid proof that aluminum is causing breast cancer - especially as there are alternatives. Visit your health store, pharmacy or even quality supermarket. There you will find aluminum free deodorants.

CBS did a two-part special on Tom's of Maine deodorants. Part 1 evaluates the correlation between cancer and use of antiperspirants and Part 2 evalutes Tom's of Maine's antiperspirant products.

It may seem odd yet I have not used deoderant for about 10 years now. I do not need it. No I don't stink! It is based on what my observant older sibling told me years ago, "Don't eat dairy and you won't stink."

I thought he was full of it. Yet when I tried it, he was correct. I do not totally eliminate dairy from my diet as it tastes too damn good. Yet I do not drink milk.

Yet if one is in a stressful job and sweating all the time [which I am beginning to do being a medical student in clinical training], a safe anti-perspirant may be necessary.